In My Microaggressions at work: small moments, real patterns
The "well-meaning" joke about your accent. The surprise, again, that you did well. The name they never learn to pronounce. The comment about your "attitude." Taken one at a time, they seem too small to mention — which is exactly what makes them exhausting.
What a microaggression is
A microaggression is a brief, often-minimized message — a word, tone, or gesture — that points at what you are rather than what you do: your race, sex, age, accent, a disability, your religion. "Micro" doesn't mean "unimportant"; it describes the size of each incident, not the cumulative effect. One drop is nothing; the faucet dripping all night keeps you awake.
Why they're so hard to name
Because each one is deniable. "It was a joke." "You're reading into it." The burden lands on you to prove a smile hid something. That's why so many people stay quiet and start doubting themselves. So name the mechanism: it isn't "a" comment, it's a pattern, and the pattern is real even when each piece, alone, looks tiny.
When it becomes legally relevant (US)
Here's the honest US line. A single microaggression is almost never illegal — "petty slights and isolated incidents" don't meet the bar. But microaggressions can become legally relevant two ways: first, when they're based on a protected characteristic (race, sex, age, disability, religion, national origin…) and become severe or pervasive enough to create a hostile work environment under the EEOC's standard; and second, as evidence — a documented drumbeat of protected-class comments is often what proves the "pervasive" part of a bigger case. The small stacks up.
What to do
- Keep a log. Date, exact words, context, witnesses. It's what turns a diffuse feeling into a legible pattern.
- Pick your battles. You don't have to respond every time. Sometimes a calm "what do you mean by that?" is enough to deflate it.
- Find allies. A coworker who sees the same thing breaks the isolation and becomes a witness.
- If it persists and it's protected-class based, put it in writing to HR. A factual report showing the series — not one stray remark — carries far more weight.
You don't have to work this out alone. In My Corner is a team of five AI companions for exactly this — one who listens, one who decodes letters and knows your deadlines, one who keeps your evidence organised, one for fresh starts, one who teaches. Private by design: conversations are never stored on our servers.
Talk it through — In My Corner