In My Microaggressions at work: when small things add up
Some of the most draining things at work are the ones that sound trivial if you say them out loud. The comment about your accent. The meeting where your idea is ignored and then praised from someone else's mouth. The "where are you really from?" The assumption you'll take the notes. Each one is small enough to shrug off — and that's exactly what makes the accumulation so heavy.
What microaggressions are
Microaggressions are the small, often unintentional slights that signal someone doesn't quite belong — tied to caste, religion, region, language, gender, skin tone, disability, or background. "Micro" describes each incident's size, not its total effect. Twenty small cuts land like one big one, with the added exhaustion of never being sure any single one was "worth" mentioning.
Why they're so hard to name
Because individually they're deniable. Raise one and you'll often hear "you're overthinking it" or "it was just a joke" — which can leave you carrying both the original sting and the fresh doubt. The gap between how small it looks and how much it wears you down is real, not a failing on your part.
What you can actually do
- Keep a quiet log. Date, comment, context, who was there. One incident sounds like nothing; fifteen in a pattern, dated, tell a very different story — to HR, and to yourself.
- Name it in the moment, if it's safe. Calm and specific works: "What did you mean by that?" or "I'd rather you didn't comment on my accent." You're not obliged to educate anyone, but a light, direct response can reset a boundary.
- Find your people. Colleagues who see it too are proof you're not imagining it, and steadier than facing it alone.
- Know where the line is. If the pattern is tied to a protected ground and becomes persistent, it can move from "microaggression" to discrimination or harassment — and if it's sexual and directed at a woman, into PoSH territory. A dated record is what makes that case.
You don't have to prove any single comment was a crime. You're allowed to notice the pattern, protect your energy, and decide how much of yourself this place gets.
You don't have to work this out alone. In My Corner is a team of five AI companions for exactly this — one who listens, one who decodes letters and knows your deadlines, one who keeps your evidence organised, one for fresh starts, one who teaches. Private by design: conversations are never stored on our servers.
Talk it through — In My Corner